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Egyptian Magic

By Jesse Kornbluth
Published: Nov 20, 2014
Category: Home

Anne Lamott: Small Victories
Denis Johnson: The Laughing Monsters
Muriel Spark: The Driver’s Seat
THAT TIME OF YEAR: The annual holiday gift list launches next Wednesday. But starting Monday you’re going to see something unheard of in this space. It’s called Marketing. This year, I decided not to rely on word of mouth to sell my gently abridged, freshly illustrated edition of A Christmas Carol, so I’ve made a video — directed by a 16-year old student at a New York arts high school — and launched it on the new Head Butler channel on YouTube. I’ve also created tasty ads now running on a few sites. The video and ads link to Butler, which means we’ll have strangers showing up, blinking and wanting directions. And that guidance — brief and linked to the “Christmas Carol” page — will be right here. Until Christmas. For all I know, it may even encourage a few of you. Because, I’ve heard, this Marketing thing works.

WEEKEND CLASSIC: No, make that Winter Classic. And as winter seems to be here for most of the United States, it’s time for coats and mufflers and hats. And Chapstick and hand cream? Not in Butler’s USA. We’re professionals. We use the best. And, for a decade now, this is the champ.

There’s really nothing "magic" about Egyptian Magic.

The ingredients are olive oil, bees wax, honey, bee pollen, royal jelly and bee propolis. And — so it says — “divine love."

With the exception of the last “ingredient," you could whip it up yourself. But you couldn’t improve on the original.

If there’s a skin problem this stuff can’t deal with, I can’t find it. We swab it on the kid’s wounds at night; in the morning, she’s well on the return trip to flawless.

Burns, scrapes, skin irritations, diaper rash, sunburns, eczema, psoriasis — it’s the go-to cream. Dry skin? When an exceptional moisturizer is needed, we open the Magic. Some use it on their hair, as a conditioner. As an anti-wrinkle cream, it’s a comparative bargain. After surgery, it’s said to reduce scarring.

And, of course, it comes with a story.

In 1986, Westley Howard, a water filter salesman, was enjoying a meal at a Chicago diner. An elderly gent came over. “Brother, the spirit has moved me to reveal something to you,” he said.

The stranger called himself Dr. Imas. He did not offer a first name or announce what kind of doctor he was. He did have a need to reveal the formula for a skin cream. But it was the same cream found in ancient Egyptian tombs.

Westley Howard became LordPharaoh ImHotepAmonRa — and the cream became Egyptian Magic. [To buy Egyptian Magic from Amazon, click here.]

In the early ’90s, LordPharaoh ImHotepAmonRa started trading the cream for food at an organic market in Washington, DC. Some jars got to Hollywood, with predictable results — Madonna is said to be among its devotees.

Now it’s everywhere. For a simple reason: Egyptian Magic works.