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JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank
By
Published: Jan 01, 2005
Category:
Gifts and Gadgets
JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank
Let’s start with the corporate name. Know what it means? I didn’t. But what’s a Butler for? Let me look up a definition for you:
Badonkadonk: an ‘ebonic’ expression for an extremely curvaceous female behind. Women who possess this feature usually have a small waist that violently explodes into a round and juicy posterior (e.g., 34c, 24, 38). Other characteristics would be moderately wide hips and a large amount of booty cleavage (i.e, depth of butt-crack). Usage: ‘Her badonkadonk made a brotha pop mad wheelies.’
Try explaining that to their neighbors when you park your Badonkadonk in the driveway. Well, maybe not the driveway. That is, if a driveway is what you’re working with for a private highway, this baby is not for you — we’re talking "off road" here. If you buy one of these, it’s more or less assumed you’ve got a ten-acre spread. Or more.
Moving on: The manufacturer calls this "a completely unique, extremely rare land vehicle and battle tank." The flaw in that sentence? "Completely." Remember: "unique" is an absolute, it cannot take a modifier.
In fairness, though, the ‘donk does press the envelope of uniqueness. For one thing, its dimensions. Looks huge, doesn’t it? The manufacturer describes it as roomy in the extreme: "The interior is fully carpeted and cozy, with accent lighting and room for up to five people."
In fact, Badonkadonk is just nine feet long, four-and-a-half feet wide and about that height. It’s a pony, not a Clydesdale. A Saturn, not an Escalade.
Are you getting a sense of this…uh….tank? Power: six horsepower. Top speed: 40 miles an hour. So this may get you out of the vicinity if bird flu strikes your ‘hood, but it’s going to be a slow, hard slog.
Still, it’s nice to have an "armored shell" — makes you feel like you’re traveling in an oversized M&M. And it’s never bad to be equipped with a "400 watt premium sound with PA system." I mean, when you’ve got some thundering rock music pounding around you, it turns battle into a video game. Think of this vehicle, then, as San Andreas 3-D.
No holidays are coming, there’s no legit reason to buy this for a loved one. No, it’s pure indulgence. A toy.
But hey….you want it. You know you do. $19,999? You’ve blown more than that at Starbucks since the millennium.
Tell you what: I so want you to have this, I’ll throw in a small shelf of great books. Something for nothing! A gift you’ll cherish.
But keep your eye on the prize. The Badonkadonk. Makes me wanna pop mad wheelies.
To buy the Badonkadonk from Amazon.com, click here.
